You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away

Dear God,

It’s me again….the one who prayed for my boy when he was in his first Little League Game. I begged you not to let them stop the game so he could tie his sneakers. We both knew he couldn’t, and he was so excited to have his turn at bat. “Please, God. Let him have his moment.” I have turned to You many times in the ten years since that day, but today I am praying for Your intervention and guidance in a way I never have before.

My child is older now, tangled in limbo somewhere between a boy and a man. Each day, with each moment, and every misguided step, a little more of that happy smile I could always count on slips away. With every disappointment and every misperceived “failure”, another part of his heart grows dim. I ask you, Lord, to help me help him find his light.

Help me help him find the strength to keep trying.

Help me help him find the faith to keep believing.

Help me help him find the desire to persevere.

My boy has asked me many times to give up on him because he has given up on himself. I have not, nor ever will. I continue to fight for him, even when that pits me against the boy himself. I have argued, begged, cried, and bargained to encourage him to move forward. I have been to meetings and police stations. I have been to counselors and court houses. I have made compromises and promises, always with the end goal in mind. Today, that goal seems farther and farther away.

Help me help him find the right path.

Help me help him understand something better is waiting for him.

Help me help him desire the better days that are just out of reach.

Most of all, I ask You to protect my boy. I fear he will seek ways to relieve his pain and enmesh himself in situations that will further shatter his already broken spirit. Please help me, Lord because I am feeling just as broken as is my precious son.