Clarity Between Weeping

moments of madness
moments of clarity
clarity as awareness personified
clarity cutting through curtains of lies
lies spewing from your crooked mouth
lies making a home in my troubled mind
mind whirling as yes becomes no
mind vacillating between up and down
down to depths I didn’t know I could reach
down a rabbit hole of my own making
making poor choice after poor choice
choice is not a choice when reason is muddled
choice is a journey that begins with a single step
step back, step off, step away
away just long enough to make sense of these thoughts
away from this twisted path bound to destroy
destroy the vestiges of you and me
destroy every falsehood before I am forever lost
lost in a world where reality is bastardized
lost like the broken doll I once was
was that your doing
was it mine
mine is the burden to accept consequences
mine might be the life worth saving
saving myself from a future too bleak
saving you seems a cause too late
late is the night as I write this
late is the opportunity I almost chose to ignore
ignore my pleas if you must
Ignore was the name I called friend
friend turned lover turned foe
friend and enemy enraptured by a common cause
cause disguised as need
cause belied by demands
demands unreasonable as they were
demands on my body, soul, heart
heart beats in time to terror
heart beats in times of healing
healing comes slow in skipped steps
healing restores strength to my broken spirit
spirit guides me to that clean slate
spirit whispers my name and holds out its hand
hand outstretched to support my endeavors
hand in hand I will overcome these transgressions
transgressions in every form
transgressions against myself as my family sat weeping
weeping for who I was becoming
weeping for who I could have been
been thinking
Becoming…